so confused

Sometimes it is so hard to describe what is going on inside. I wish I could just pull it all out of me and lay it a paper to analyze...like when Dumbledorf pulls memories out of his head.

I'm so bad with words...that is why I dance. Dancing for me is a way that I can outwardly express an inward emotion. I remember a coaching I had with David Hamilton where he had me describe the feeling I had when he danced each particular way. I couldn't do it...I had no words to describe it. HAHa and I remember telling him " I don't know..I can't find a word...I'm not good with words, David, that's why I dance." BUT I could react and respond to his dancing with my own dancing and it matched in tone. And THAT is the beauty of dancing...THAT is what it is all about...taking the energy given, creating and moving with it, and then giving it back.His point in this lesson was to show that you must be able to "move" your partner by the energy you give, and that a great partnership would possess that quality. For the first time in my dancing career, I was able to experience that. That is huge for me. I am a pretty stubborn person and a very emotional one. The combination of these two attributes means that I won't "move" for just anything. I am very sensitive to the energy I feel from people, and to "move" me on the dance floor, I must feel a genuine energy. I have danced with people before that just go through the steps....analyzing each movement and dancing far too much from their brain instead of their heart. It is SO hard to produce a product that moves the audience if it doesn't move you. That is what the arts are about right? Moving people, touching their hearts and souls, speaking to them on a deeper level? Communicating those things is what makes us artists. People, talking about all people in general, love the arts because it bypasses the brain and touches them in their soul and takes them to a new place...whether it be the artist or the person viewing the art. That is why I love what I do...because I touch and change the soul of a person... their core...the basis of a human. So on the competitive end it's about how many judges you can move. Don't get me wrong; technicality is a part of it as well (and we all know it can get political) , but a couple can be very technically correct and BORING!! There are several top couples right now that I would describe this way. The only one that isn't are the current title holders of the American smooth. They do the most simplistic things but they MOVE people. I want to be that ...I want to be the most moving. (big sigh) And now I'm back at square one, but I'm gonna for for it, and I'll win....and it may take me years to find another partner that I can know I can accomplish that with, but it'll happen.

Maybe I'm not too bad with words....so after all that...those are the feelings I have inside about dancing...and right now I feel like that has been ripped out. And as a cherry on top the two friends here I had hoped to become great friends with suddenly don't seem to feel the same...