living on the brink

Sometimes I feel like I'm always living on the edge..on the brink of a great success and at the same time one wobble away from falling. This anxiety is quite draining! I've got my belt cinched and my breath held knowing/hoping the opportunity to exhale is just over the next hill. The problem (if it is really a problem) is I'm such a driven person that once I get over that hill, I've already set my eyes on the next destination, so I never have my moment to exhale!! Maybe that is a quality that leads to success...but it sure is draining! Part of this is probably my tendency to rely on myself to do everything instead of letting things rest in the hands of God. I know that He has me and won't let go and that His plans are best..that he knows me even better than I do. Why is it so hard to hand it over? It's easy to give parts, but the whole thing....letting go of all control....that is scary.

can't get past "cute"

So the word that never ended in the last photoshoot I did was "cute". I dunno that I'll ever get past that stage. No matter what I'm wearing, how my hair is styled, or how I wear my makeup I will always just be "cute"...My challenge to myself is to acheive a more sophisticated or mature look. haha but God has given me the "cute" look....

I like a darker red on my lips....not this one really..hmm love the dress though!

fruition

So this month has been so wonderful so far! God has been moving some huge mountains in my life. He has mended and renewed my heart and spirit in so many ways. AND some things that were prophesied over me a few years ago that I didn't understand at all are being revealed and coming to fruition!! THAT is SO exciting! Breaking through barriers and moving into the next stage of your spiritual relationship is always exciting and refreshing. I'm trying to enjoy it, grow, and strengthen all that I can because I know that it also means that the testing fires will come later

My experience in "The Shack"

So I finished "The Shack" this weekend. I really enjoyed this book. It describes God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit separately and as the trinity from a very different point of view than I have ever looked from. It also paints a vivid picture of their relationship together and the relationship they have with us. I really liked it. I think everyone has a different perception of who God is to them. Many times it is a direct effect to a parental relationship or a perception created as a child. Sometimes I think this can be a hindrance to the relationship between a person and God. This was definitely the case for me. It was refreshing to have my eyes opened to this, and my perception has changed. Because He is who He is, I think He should be the same to everyone. Not to say that every one's relationship with Him will be the same, but every one's perception of WHO He is , His character, should be identical. For me I had my own experience in the shack as I read the book. There were many things in the book that I've heard all my life, but never really understood or grasped until this weekend. Maybe it sounds silly that I could have gotten so much from a "fiction" book, but I believe God really spoke to me through this. I felt like I could have easily been the main character in the book that God was speaking to. I think a person's growth in a spiritual relationship can easily be paralleled to a person's growth in learning to dance. Sometimes in dance you're body just isn't ready to get or do certain things. Your coach can tell you a million times, and you may teach it a million times before your body grasps it. Many times your body has to go through certain stages before it can move on. You have to realize that you'll get it when you get it. I think our spiritual growth is patterned the same way. You'll get it when you get it...I think I've heard that before..OH yes...when I first learned of the gift of tongues (as a prayer language) through the baptism of the Holy Spirit. WOW..that was amazing..I love that! I definitely recommend this book to anyone!

the "new" things

New things going on:



I bought two books yesterday, "The Shack" which I have heard great things about, and "Do You Think I'm Beautiful" which I started reading a few years back and never finished. I started reading "The Shack" last night and couldn't put it down until my eyes just wouldn't stay open any longer. It is so good so far. I am excited about starting to read more again.



The next "new" is my work out regimen. I have started getting up early (as you know, a miracle in itself) and going to the gym to run for 40 min. every morning (another miracle). It is going well. I have discovered that I don't have to get up near as early as I thought to be able to get it done and be ready to work or whatever it is I have to do that day. I feel much better through the day however I swear I'm gaining weight instead of losing it...however; I shall continue.



Mom and Robert are coming into town to visit this weekend. I am excited! We are going to go to Maggiano's tonight for dinner after we pick them up. Saturday Mom and I plan to tootle around Franklin. She LOVES Franklin and I haven't been down there since we moved, so I'm looking forward to it. It should be fun. The rest is in the air...dunno what we're gonna do.



Britt is now working in operations for Guitar Center instead of sales. So far this has been a good move for him. He is far less stressed, is working 8-5 Monday through Friday, and is getting some fabulous new skills that will help if he decides to switch companies.


OH and one last thing...another new pic from the shoot!

Today

So after about a week of my new cut, I am really loving it. I have officially decided that my hair looks best short. Maybe I'll just get a really long wig if I get an urge for length again! HA! It's cold and rainy today BLAH! Yesterday Chris brought an ungodly amount of sugary pastries to the studio so needless to say I had a day full of sugar. I mean that literally. I didn't have ANY real food yesterday..oh wait I did for breakfast. I had a bowl of cereal, a small manog strawberry protein shake,1 lg piece of blueberry pie, half of a cinnimon roll, 1 lemon bar, 1 really fat pumpkin custard bar, a dark chocolate almond zone protein bar (not bad but still), and a wheat wrap with organic (so less sugar) peanut butter and protein...this was a really yummy and not so bad for you meal. I haven't had that much sugar in a REALLY long time. Needless to say I couldn't sleep last night. I had choreography styling in my head all night. We scrapped like half of the choreography yesterday...I like to think of it as a good thing. We're at a point where we really know what we have that fits us and what doesn't...I look at that as progression. Sometimes I really realize how far behind him I am and that is frustrating but I quickly divert my mind. If I think about it too long I think I could slip into a deep depression! ha! When there's something I'm not doing correct, I want to be able to fix immediately because I hate to be the one holding us back from progressing. Poor guy...hope he doesn't give up on me! I wish I had had more proper training from the get go of my dancing. I need to find a way to practice just fundamentals and technique...it's so hard to do it on my own and NO WAY would I expect to work on that with chris. That is my mission for this week...finding a solution...and finding more students!!!

Enough about that. So in about a month or two Britt and I will be completely debt free!!! YEAH! Such a huge weight lifted! Hopefully we will get into our own home soon..so back in debt we'll be but a mortgage isn't so bad.

Random thought: I wonder if I could totally switch out my furniture on craigslist??

Just JUMP!

So I did it...I had a photoshoot this weekend. A little self concious but I had to just do it. At least I will have some updated shots so I can get some work! It'll be about two weeks before I get them back, but here is one that is up so far:












I really love the work of this particular photographer. He does some beautiful things with color and has a funky style! I also met about 6 other photographers during the shoot. They all really liked me and want to set up some gigs, so it was a very productive day! I was SOO tired by the end of the shoot! Ya know how I have that naturally sad look most of the time..well that means for me to even look slightly pleasant, I have to engage my facial muscles somehow...and I'm not even talking about smiling..so by the end of the shoot I needed a facial massage! Needless to say I skipped out on the party Saturday night at the studio! It was a nice break.

I got to work with Larry again! That is always a pleasure! I also met another model from Mt. Juliet who was GORGEOUS! His name is Richard. Would love to work with him again!

Was listeneing to an old CD I have and really diggin this one:

This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that’s to be found In life all around
This is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasing And I rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
the storms of life To live and love
This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where I want to go The rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasing And as I rise above my burden is easing
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
the storms of lifeTo live and love
This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that I fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
This is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasingAnd as I rise above my burden is easing

My PRECIOUS!! ok I like to just pretend they're mine!

I was looking through my pictures the other day and came across my Precious litte twin nieces! OOOh! I love and miss them sooo much! They will be 2 Oct. 17th I believe. These pics are from my trip in June to Texas and I haven't seen them since! I miss them so much! These two girls couldn't be more different. Aubry looks just like my sister: fair skin, dark blonde to light brown hair, big eyes, round cheeks. She also acts just like Laurel did. Addison is just like her daddy: brown skin, dark hair, dark eyes, she has his small and is TINY!
Britt was holding Aubry up to let her pull the string on the ceiling fan that turns the light off. She LOVED him forever for it!














Britt was flipping Addison (aka Addy). She Loved him forever for it!
















Mom and Addison! She's a cutie!
















Mom and Aubry! Love that hair! She sucks her two middle fingers when she's a tired girl. Laurel even has sonogram pictures of her doing it in the womb! What's even better about it is that it looks like the Hook'em Horns sign..for UT (texas) and for those who don't know, all of my family goes to Texas Tech a HUGE rival of UT! HAHA!
























She was so proud of her potty star! Ha ha that child's hair...will it ever grow past the mullet stage?











It looks like Aubry's getting ready to try to get that star from Addy!














OH I love these two pics! Too precious!

IT's DONE

Ok so the decision was made! I cut my hair yesterday. It is a little shorter than I asked for..ok about an inch but that's ok. I really wanted it to be a little more bobish..kinda long and piecy in front and stacked in the back but it is really more pixie like. Really not a fan of it in a T-shirt! I was contemplating being tinker bell for halloween, so I guess this completes it! HA! Although by halloween it will be more bobish! It's not any shorter than I've had before, and it will last me a little longer than usual. I had her do my roots too so I am waiting a few days to wash my hair ( so I don't dry it out) SO that means I can't really re-style it and add in my normal products so today it is not really doing what I want it to! BOO!