Uncovering one of the many questions...

So one of the biggests things that throws people off about who I am is my initial reserved character that comes through in the beginning of a new setting or relationship. Not that I have to tell any of you. You have had your time of experiencing that. Then there is the sudden burst of my real personality that comes out of nowhere. HAHA! It's always funny to see people's reaction to that first time.

I like to think of the beginning not as reservation but as observation. It's quite a good idea really. Think about it. We've all done it...or seen it happen...the infamous insertion of the foot into the mouth in a new setting around people you may not know really well. SO I choose to observe the new situation and/or people first. Then I know what I can/can't say/do around those people. Now, this is not to be confused with being fake. I am never fake around people; I simply choose how much of myself to expose. And there you have it!

Another first impression many people get of me is that I am stuck up (which I'm not even close to being). This comes from the initial reservation and the fact that I naturally have a not so friendly look on my face. When my face is relaxed, I look mad or mean. Personally, I don't care. If I try to look different all day, the muscles in my face hurt at the end of the day. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people tell me to smile or make a comment to "be happy" or "life's not so bad..smile". I AM HAPPY!! This is my face people..the one I was born with..deal with it! Those comments usually push the laser button and those people then see what my unhappy face really looks like. ha! ...I do laugh a lot though. A day without a great big dose laughter is ...blah.

the real TOUGH decisions of life

So the decision to make is: to cut the hair or not to cut the hair. For those of you who have known me for any length of time, you know that I change my hair quite often..about every 6 months maximum. Well that six months is coming round and I'm getting the itch. So about 6 months ago I decided to grow my hair out. Well it is to the length that gets on my nerves. I am trying to do anything I can to get through it...curl it, pull it back..SOMETHING. Then I got to thinking...Why am I growing it out anyway? I do really like my hair long but does it really look better? I think I look younger with it long which is good especially if I want to continue doing some modeling/acting, but as a dancer I think it works better short. What to do...

I need to get some new photos for my portfolio. I need to make up my mind about my hair though before I do. AND being the perfectionist that I am, of course, I am not in the bodily shape that I want to be in, so I am also kind of stalling for that reason as well. My stalling just keeps me from getting it done and getting work!! I just need to do it!

So I actually got up early and ran yesterday! A miracle I know! I freakin hate to run unless I am in the kind of shape that I actually get a high from it. Getting into that shape really isn't fun, and I'm all about the fun things in life. I didn't really run for all that long, but I'm feeling it today. I know that is a sign that I need to do it more..maybe if I had a running buddy. I just have to think about what I'll look and feel like when I get into shape from running. It really is worth all the pain and suffering!

BIG sigh

So I received an email today from my one and only competative student. He is a college student, and can no longer afford to continue with his lessons. This makes me sad and feel like IT will never happen for me. I really don't like those days that I feel like that. It is so very different to teach a student who has competative intentions. I love it, and now it is gone. I have to remind myself that it is just another phase, and it will open doors for someone new to take his place. It just really came at a bad time right now though. MANY of my current students are wedding couples. It is a great struggle to get these students to continue with their dancing after their wedding. They come in with a mind set that they are there to learn to dance for the wedding, so I have to change that mindset before the wedding. I don't want to change it just for the fact that I need to keep my student body though. I hope that as an instructor I can open the eyes of my students to the greatness of dancing and what it gives...so much that they will want to continue learning. ANyhow, all of them are getting married in OCtober, so my fear is that I will lose a great deal of my teaching hours through this month. ANd now my solid competative student is gone. HUghf! Why is it so hard in the beginning to get things going. I just want like 5 more dedicated and commited students.

Where to find them....

Sometimes I think I've found one. They are so excited about dancing and come across as very dedicated and hard working. They have great passion for it, but then I can't get them to call me back to get booked! I don't understand that approach that people take. It's like they think you're going to eat them alive if they say that they don't want to learn, so they lead you on and tell you the opposite to your face and then run and won't answer the phone to be booked. No courtesy returned phone call to say " We aren't interested" , or whatever the excuse may be...nothing..just no answer and no returned calls. Do people just not have respect for others anymore? I really don't understand this!

A second go around

So I've tried this blog thing before and it lasted for a whole two entries...that was 2 years ago. I've always liked to write, and I enjoy reading others blogs and thoughts and while reading them wish I could do the same...so here goes...again.

This was my first entry of my last blog....with added thoughts from now in red:

Why do I get so sucked in to romance movies....like the notebook...I really felt so connected to that movie!? I think I just love to be swept off my feet and can never get enough! I want to be romanced 24/7.

Definition : romantic ( n): Merrida. One who enjoys the enchantment in a relationship.

Things that tugg at my heart strings (in no particular order):

1. romance movies( explained above)

2. country music -I think I will always love country music no matter how stupid some songs can be and no matter what they're about...I grew up with this music and for some reason we have a hard time letting go of things that tie us to our childhood. There's something about that twang I that just gets me!

3. People who are truely sincere -mercy is NOT something I have in abundance on people, but when someone is open with me and is truely sincere, my heart goes out to them. THis has also gotten me into much trouble. I tend to be naive or gullable and trust too easily. I want so badly to believe in the good in people. I have learned time and time again to keep my wall up longer, but I don't want to have a wall up, so I tend to take it down naivly!! I wonder when I will learn... This being said, if I let my wall down for someone and they burn me...like I said before, MERCY is NOT something I have in abundance on people. You'll be in my tall, strong wall book for a long time!

4. singing, dancing, modeling career- somehow I just can't let go of this desire...I know it's in me. Anytime I am doing these things I feel like I am really being me.

5.Those brief moments that I wrap my mind around God's greatness..need Iexplain more?